So this is a mother?

I can see why she doesn’t love you.

You are supposed to be nurturing, kind and the safest place for her. That is what the world says. Even God uses the analogy of a mother’s love for her child to explain to humans the love he has for us.

But what went wrong? Why don’t you love her? Why are you so selfish, insensitive and manipulative? Do you ever let your defensiveness go? Do you ever just love? Are your words ever just truth rather than some manipulative plot? She wishes you just stop playing politics and love.

You should feel lucky you have kind loving children. You got lucky they care! But know that they see throught your lies and games. Soon you’ll need them to love you unconditionally when you are old and grey. Soon you’ll need them to love eachother. Will you regret that you played their relationships? Will you ever feel guilty for all the hurt you gave?

You should be ashamed and grow up! You dont deserve this love. Ever wonder why they don’t trust you? Perhaps it’s time you look inside. Are you the good mother you think you are?

Still can’t be cruel to you. Only if she had a choice.

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A little something with a side of baby.

Pregnant woman

Yes, she is still pregnant. 40 weeks and the baby is staying put like a stubborn squatter.

She has had her unfriendly visitor named anxiety, uncertainty and depression visit before but this felt a little different. There is more of a struggle and awareness to want to keep it out. Is she being protective of the little squatter? Was that even possible? Even with a good kind man beside her, she feels a little lost in all of this and simply sad. What is this? Why is this? She is always talking to the divine. But now she feels guilty for not being infinitely happy and nothing but positive for such a gift. What if she didn’t get this gift she thinks with gratitude. Should she pray longer? Oh dear. She hopes the baby does not feel any bit of this-she fears. She wants only one thing for her baby. Good health. A happy healthy mind and body, wait is that two things?

Tiered, achy and belly filled. With all the people asking her “how is the baby? Are you still pregnant? Omg, what do you do all day…don’t you get bored?” Frankly, she thinks, should not have told anyone the due date. Kept it all a secret. Stayed coped up antisocial till it all came to be. But that is wrong…isn’t it?

Letter from a close friend: ❤

Get up and go out there. It is the last few days of you being in this state. Live and feel every moment of it. Don’t care that your closet says, “what would you have to stress about?” Or whatever else they may say. It is how YOU feel. Understand it and deal with the emotions. You have you! You do not need anyone else if it comes down to it.

You do love this squatter, you will love it even more when it comes to your physical reality. Don’t listen to people. This will be yours. Yours to teach, show this beautiful world off to, read and tell fun adventure stories to. Remember the world always thinks and firmly believes it knows and does better. You just do your best and the rest it will all fall into place.

Don’t feel alone. You have him. He is always here with you. Wasn’t he there when you first found yourself broken and lost? Why would he leave now when he has opened a brand new door of crazy adventures and beautiful smile to come. He’s here. I know you believe. For now just breath and wait and see. Patience is a virtue and it can cut deep, but that is what life is all about. How else will you really see the preciousness of such a gift? Do not let this slip by. Be present for all of it. Just look at how you made space in your mind, heart, body and home. It is very special. You will love it! Love every moment of it. I promise my dear dear friend.

With lots of love.

BIG MAGIC

I know I have delayed this post. Sorry. 😅 I sort of delayed me reading “Big Magic” I actually had it since 2017 waiting for me to give it a read.

Something about the subject matter I assume. Creativity….how can anyone tell you about creativity? How to be creative or the impact or lack of impact it can have on one’s life. Like…common now… Oh dear, talk about tunnel vision or close-mindedness. Oh, wait there is another thing that stopped me. I enjoy my fair share of self-development, business, spiritual books but increasingly I find myself asking myself so….does this relate to me?

Me: Muslim Canadian Visible Minority Woman married to an invisible minority. In that very order. Not to mention the few other things. Low to a middle-income household with post-secondary education. Both on the chubby side of life. Animal lover and all around bargain hunter. Yup okay, that’s enough of self-definition.

Frankly, the answer is still known. I love Brene Brown, she appeals to my Muslim yet swearing and always trying my best, woman, wife, community member side. She is raw, real and relatable. In a none judgemental friend way. Yup, I swear. Try not to…but I do. 🤐

Now, this is my first read by Elizabeth Gilbert, yes I have heard of Eat Pray Love. I actually watched the movie. Julia Roberts is gorge. I watched it a year and some after my divorce. I was maybe 22years old. I did enjoy it…in a cool…this a cute movie kind of way. I really should give the book a go. Anyways, so-Big Magic was just a find. A find due to its popularity and the number of times it was mentioned by people for its “life lessons, life-changing” powers. Well, finally I thought why not I want me some of that! Regardless of the fact it is written by a caucasian well off older (than me) woman. How can she even begin to know how to relate to me?

As I type this I feel the need to say. Age is but a number! Elizabeth you fabulous…please world and women let us not hold back or condemn one another based on how old we are. Meh…we have a lot on our plates already. So.

Yes, I did take something away from that read. I’m happy I gave “Big Magic” a chance. It helped give me perspective and ease. Yes. Ease, peace of mind. I would rate myself as a medium creative talent or skill. It depends who you ask, they may agree or suggest I am more creative than I peg myself to be. Frankly, meh doesn’t make me happy or sad. But… I would like to attribute my peace of mind to my creativity and curiosity. I am never… okay rarely afraid of what is to come or what is happening in life. I have a firm belief there is a solution or way…things always fall into place. This book in a way stated that. And of course, that creativity is a living thing. Yes! Yes! And Yes! Elizabeth do I agree with you! We are all creative curious geniuses but only the brave get to reap its rewards. I am impulsive so there have been many times where this theory is silently tested.

Humans are secretly powerful and connected to EVERYTHING in this world. I swear I put my wish list of something on the to-do board or shopping list… I kid you not it happens to come through. I will end up achieving that goal, task, material thing. If I have a creative idea and I act on it without over-complicating things it becomes alive without much of a struggle. I will say this though…have only one or two very real people to give you feedback or advice or whatever we humans look for before we begin the journey. It’s just a dream, creativity, curiosity killer to share with many people.

So if you are an entrepreneur, creator, doer, free thinker, or just normal old you! Looking to be…and get that little kick to express yourself? Read this book and keep life simple. We overcomplicate things so much. Buying this, that and looking to be the first to have some grand idea. No, my friends. That does not help you. Be you. The honest you look how much joy that will bring you.

Being Human

It has been a while since I came on here to rant about something. Not that I do not have worthy thoughts to write about but rather, I stop myself thinking: “don’t we all think the same way? Same old cliches…be nice blah blah, be kind, be giving….” Well then. Here it is again. I can not help my self say the same old same old.

Being kind is a gift. Being nice is a gift! Do you know how truly challenging that is for a person? Sayings such as “nice guys finish last…nice girls never make history…” exist for a reason. But do they? We sure know how to reward the loudest, brightest, and what ever “est” there is.

Im here to tell you…I see you! You who is “normal” “average” “introvert” the one who has love in their heart for everything and everyone. The one who does but does not show, yell, tell the world. At the end of the day you change this world for the better. You are the listener, the passionate, the compassionate friend, coworker, neighbor. To me you are a gift to this world. We need more of you.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with those people who are loud. In fact I too am one of them. Sometimes the loudest in a room. Full of ideas and curiosity. I speak over people, I cut people off not because I don’t care to hear you…but rather because I lack the practice to be a better listener. Im sorry. I am sorry for not allowing you time to process and speak. To you my dear friends and well wishers. I am aware.

This is being conscious and this is what being human is all about. Be kind, be compassionate and open to your own growth. It is a beautiful journey.

Cost of a job…monies please

Before I go into this serious rant about jobs and education let me state the following: I love…yes love learning. I love everything about everything. I want to put as much information into my brain as I possibly can. Be it about, how pineapples grow out of the ground and not on trees or how Scotland’s national animal is a unicorn. No information is usless. Okay wait….unless it is about the Kardashian or whatever. (Yha I am such a hater haha a real rant on that later)

Anyways back to the point. I have gone through the Canadian, Ontario school system from high school to recently a post-graduate certification. I am very grateful for the fact we have OSAP (Ontario Student Assistance Program) which helped me achieve my higher education goals. Now of course it is time to pay back.

I have been out of school since 2016 and have had some great contract opportunities. Oh dear, all contract! I will say I have learned a lot in the little time. Again….very grateful.

Today, after a lot of public sector labour market research let me tell you…I feel compelled to do a masters. Masters! Do you know how expensive that is?! But, if I dare to dream big…I have to trust it will be all worth it. I know I said public sector…jobs are sought after as they are unionized and “secure.” It seems to be the same sort of expectation in the private sector, you need to have a Diploma or Bachelor’s at the minimum to do a decent paid administrative role.

I’m just saying if you have the opportunity please do look into your ideal role, look at the forecast of that role within your demographic and look at the job requirements. It will help you plan better. Assist your children in making achievable academic goals. LinkedIn is great. Look at people within those roles and take note of their education and career experience. It will help.

Frankly, I am so with those people who follow their dreams and don’t go through the educational institutions. All power to you! I have been on my own since 16 years old and school as been my saviour. It gave me something to call my own, and I am no smarty pants. Just your below average-average student, who does have other attitudes such as passion, positive attitude and a head full of curiosity and creativity to make me so motivated to continue to absorb information. I wish to be a sponge. Haha.

People, at the end of the day, think through the mindset of abundance. There is enough out there for everyone. Enough money, jobs, knowledge and just everything. There are employment services funded by Ontario to help with the job process and so much more. Keep your head up and keep going at it. Something amazing will catch.

Remember studies show people who hate their jobs have a shorter life span and cause psychological hardship on their children. It is not your long hours at work but the feeling you have for your job. So, do a job you enjoy-the galaxies are the limits.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask. I will do my best to get you an informative answer.

Thank you for reading my rant.

Smile.

Be Like Fall-All up in my feelings

I love being in Toronto Ontario-Canada. For those of you who have never been to Canada allow me to explain, we have two seasons to live through. Summers from hell and winter from the depths of Grinch’s cold heart. If we ever get anything in between types of weather we are the happiest of people. So here is my appreciation for Fall.

Beloved Fall,

I missed you! Thank you for bringing with you the gift of colours. The remembrance of those who have fallen. With the presence of red poppies on everyone’s chest, we hold dear to our gratefulness towards those who paid the ultimate price. Knowing that most of those men and women were young and brave, from diverse backgrounds fighting for what I live as ordinary. My freedom to be.

Be like fall I told my friends and family. Let life and its lessons change you. Let it paint you in various colours so you can see how far you have come. Let that hurts, die and start afresh. New beginnings are beautiful. Things ending are precious, like the ending of a pregnancy when the child comes to this world. Like the end of a maple leaf that turns yellow and floats to the ground. Don’t you remember the sounds of you tumbling in the racked leaves? It is what is called life. With it comes growth. Oh, fall, I hope you do stay a while, it is nice to see you bring changes about all around me. You inspire me to look within and just shake it all out. Let me turn many colours and bring about a new me.

A lesson for all….Go out to play! xo

Thank you for reading.

 

Quote from the book

Book: Fourty Rules of Love by Elif Shafak

What can I say about Fourty Rules of Love? I am left with such an overwhelming thought of, “is this it? Is this life?” Elif certainly had an impact on my life for a few days while I was reading and till today. Elif has a unique way of showing emotions through her characters.

I fell in love with how human her characters were, how innocent and raw they were, how they grew throughout the novel. This book is in theory about Rumi the famous Sufi poet and his beloved friend Shams. Shams resonated with me. He was simple in his way of living life and making decisions. So simple yet so complicated. Rumi who is known to the world today as a beautiful poet may have been no one…may have never known his true potential had it not been for the lessons Shams left him with. Breaking down all the worldly barriers, norms making him face shame.

Isn’t life like such? Perceptions matter to us. However, it does hold us back from being who we truly are meant to be. We are just so scared and ashamed of standing out in the wrong way. But why? Why not just be honest with yourself, be empathetic and simply be human. When we realize we are all humans we can be more forgiving and live life fully.

I would really encourage you to read this book and further listen to Elif talk. She is truly inspiring. She says creativity helps us connect… connect beyond the boundaries of religion and thoughts.

Let me know your thoughts.